An open heart. The good and the not so good.

Trying to forget someone you love is like trying to remember someone you never knew.

They say that an open heart is one that is easily broken.  Though I know that to be true, I also know that without an open heart, love can not enter.

Sometimes I think my heart is open a little too wide.  I accept love too quickly, forgive too easily and get hurt too often.

Many times, I look back and think, “Man, I thought we were closer than we obviously were.” 

How did that happen?  And why?

Maybe because I just simply choose love.  I suppose I innocently thought that when people say things, they meant them – and meant them forever.  The promises of forever friendship, being there, loving me, a bond…forever.

It's hard to be jaded.  I see it all around me.  But it isn’t something I can be – for long.

Oh I try to harden my heart.  Protect it from the next time I naively believe the closeness and the promises.  But then, naturally, my heart opens wide and out pours love.

What is the lesson?

I don’t really know.

Balance perhaps?  Don’t let people in quite so easily?  Don’t trust the promises of forever with every person that offers them?  Don’t take it personally when they walk away?

I don’t know.

I do know that I am blessed for these experiences.  Blessed because it makes me look deep within myself and know that I am giving and choosing love, constantly.  I am coming from a place of pure love.  Do you want a piece of my heart?  Sure, here it is - forever.  And my forevers truly are - forever. 

Because without love, what is there?  Really?

Nothing…

Choose Love.  Even if it’s scary.  Even if it means getting hurt. 

Choosing Love for yourself means believing that you are worth it – and man, that’s a hard one to swallow sometimes.  That self worth thing.

But you are – so – totally – worth – it!

Believe it. 

Open your heart.

Choose Love.

Real, unconditional love...

I have never met a person whose greatest need was anything other than real, unconditional love. You can find it in a simple act of kindness toward someone who needs help. There is no mistaking love. You feel it in your heart. It is the common fiber of life, the flame of that heats our soul, energizes our spirit and supplies passion to our lives. It is our connection to God and to each other.

-         Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

Is there anything better than real, unconditional love?  The kind of love where you don’t feel judged and you are free to be your true, authentic self.  The kind of love that is safe in that you can show your flaws and know they’ll be embraced.  The kind of love that gives without wanting anything back.  The kind of love that shows true compassion and is loyal and real.  The kind of love that shows appreciation and is honored to receive your real, unconditional love back.

Whether we receive real, unconditional love from our family, our spouse or partner or our friends, it is a gift worth treasuring.  It is a gift worth nurturing and paying attention to.

Real love, sadly, is rare.  But when you find it, grab it with both hands and hold onto it with all your heart.

Oh man, that’s the good stuff.  Never let it go.

Be Love.  Embrace Love.  Choose Love.

Real love is...

If you cannot be loyal, trusting and genuine, then you are not ready to love.  For love to be real, it has to be pure and honest.

It’s been a while since I’ve written.  How fast time flies when you’re having fun!  The holidays are fast approaching and with that comes new memories made, decorations, family fun, holiday parties, Christmas music, baking and all the rest of the crazy happiness the holidays bring.

There is so much love surrounding me.  I feel it, and I feel blessed, in this moment.

Carrying on traditions with my family and starting new traditions has made this Thanksgiving into Christmas season one of the happiest of my life!

As I watched my husband and children walk toward me I realized that the love they give me every single day is loyal, genuine, real, honest and pure.  There are no expectations.  They are careful with my heart.  They celebrate me, as I am.  They are proud of me and share that pride with others. 

What a gift! 

That’s the only Christmas gift I need.  Their love.  And I already have it.  I need nothing more.  My cup runneth over.

Choose Love.

For You.

When you think you can’t, you can.

For you…

Yes, you. I am writing this for you.

You stumbled, searched, happened upon or returned to this blog for a reason.  Nothing is by chance and it is no coincidence that you are reading this. It was written for you.

Whether you are walking through life with your heart closed off to love or you are afraid of stepping outside of your box, this is for you.  If you are stuck in sadness and feel there is no way out, this is for you.  When you can’t get out of bed, and the world seems too big to face, this is for you.  And if you are bogged down by anger and ego, this is for you.

Yes, life can be hard. Each day can be a challenge.  Smiling feels like torture sometimes.  We have a hard time forgiving, moving on, letting go, loving.  It’s part of being human.

This. Will.  Pass.

I promise you, it WILL get better. 

 You deserve to feel validated, safe, surrounded by love.  You also deserve laughter, silliness, fun and happiness.  As a soul, living a human life – these are your “soul rights.” 

As a beautiful, bright soul, you deserve true, pure happiness.

Nobody can take away your happiness but you.

They can lie about you, passively aggressively strike out at you, try to make you feel like you don’t belong, abuse you, bully you and try their best to bring you down and keep you there.

But the power to rise above is inside of you.  You get to decide if they control your happiness or if YOU do.

You control your own destiny.  You decide if your life is going to be lived with happiness and an open heart.

If your heart is closed off to love, happiness, adventure, positive change – you can change that!  YOU HAVE THE POWER!

Decide today that you are worthy of all good things.  Believe it.  Know it!  Because it’s true – you are!

You are wonderful and worthy, beautiful and blessed and deserving of every good thing life has to offer.

My heart sends out love and compassion to everyone struggling.    

I believe in you.  Now it’s your turn to believe in yourself.

Choose Love.

11-11-11 and Intuition

Faith is a passionate intuition. - William Wordsworth

11-11-11

If you’re a quirky person like I am, you add these numbers up.  And if you’re quirky like I am, you see that they add up to the number 6.  That is my lifepath number.  It’s a number that I’ve had a connection to since I learned what numbers were.  There are few favorites that I can answer for sure, my favorite number is one I can most definitely answer.

Going quirkier, you add the 11-11-2011.  That equals 8.  Then you break it down.  2 + 2 + 2 + 2 = 8.  Those darn even numbers bring me comfort.  Yet another quirk that I’ve done since I knew what numbers were.  I base many of my decisions on how I feel about the number itself, broken down, added up, etc.  The address of a house I’m buying, the date of a function I am invited to, a friend or mates birthday, etc.

It’s just another tool God gave me to help me listen to my intuition.

Intuition comes in many forms.  Gut instinct, signs in nature, answers in the tarot or runes, angels and/or guides whispering softly or prayer that you feel was answered. 

Today is 11-11-11.  Does this date tell us something?  Is this a special date?  I usually make a wish at 11:11am or pm if I catch it.  Why?  Again, it’s another tool of releasing what you want to the universe and trusting the universe to manifest it to you.  Does today tell us to do that?  I believe it does.

Trust your intuition.  On this day, make a wish – a want – a need.  Say it out loud.  Write it down on a piece of paper and burn it or bury it.  Talk to God, tell the universe what you need.  Guidance, answers, a decision, etc.  Let it go and trust that it is done.

Then – listen.  Trust your intuition in whatever form that comes to you.  Does your gut tell you whether or not to answer yes or no?  Trust it! Do you see a hawk soar and know that your loved one is still with you?  Believe it!  Does a long lost friend call you with wonderful news?  Celebrate it!  Does that address add up to the number that you know is comfortable for you?  Go with it!  Trust your intuition!  You have all the answers and guidance you will ever need.  God made sure of it.

It’s no mistake that today is 11-11-11 AND a full moon!  All that wonderful energy waiting for us!

Pray/ask.  Let it go.  Trust that it is done. Then listen.

Choose Love!

God Bless our Veterans, past and present.  May you be blessed with all good things.  We thank you, wholeheartedly for your courage.  We thank your families for their sacrifice as well.  Much love!

You "Feelers" aren't alone!

Just as there are degrees of cerebral intelligence, there are degrees of emotional feelers. There are people who are more intelligent than I am.  However, I feel more deeply than most people.  This is authentically true for me.  

I may not have the gift of super intelligence.  I’m pretty smart, but Mensa won’t be courting me anytime soon.  I sure as heck don’t have a photographic memory.  Heck, I couldn’t tell you what I had for breakfast this morning.

But I have a high degree of emotional feeling.  God blessed me with a very tender heart.  This is a wonderful gift that I so often embrace.  It helps me see things differently, from a more compassionate place.  It’s what allows me to forgive those that have hurt me or hurt others, as I can see the good in people.  Sometimes long before others do.

It also means that I tend to be more like weeping willow tree.  Melancholy and fragile at times but able to withstand unusual surroundings and encompass those around me with my love and protection. 

There are times that I truly don’t understand why things happen the way they do.  I suppose I could just let it go, move on, accept it.  But that isn’t in my nature.  I fight for understanding.  It’s part of who I am.  It’s why I always fight for the underdog.  Always.  It’s why I feel compassion for people that most don’t.  It’s why I am able to love, still, after being hurt.  And it’s why I don’t judge others, regardless of where they are on their path. 

Feelings are a funny thing.  I believe they are indicators that help guide us through life and bring us closer to God.  Feelings are the map of life.  They are the rainbow of the soul.  It’s what makes us beautiful and unique.

The purpose and intent of this blog post, is to let other “feelers” know that they aren’t alone.  Sometimes we feel like we aren’t of this world.  We cry easily because we feel deeply.  We get hurt easier because we love quickly and with our whole heart and give trust before it’s earned.  We forgive easier then most because we feel compassion for those wanting another chance to do better.

My hope is that if someone reaches out to you that may seem rather sensitive and down, you will try to lift them up.  Validate them.  Accept them as they are and love them right where they are on their path.  Understand that we are all different with varying degrees of cerebral and emotional intelligence.  None better or more important then the other. 

Exercise your emotional muscle.  Reach out with your whole heart.  Take a chance.  Love yourself as you are.  NEVER give up trying to understand and learn about other people, other souls.

And as always, Choose Love.

Do you show your true colors?

I see your true colors

And that’s why I love you

So don’t be afraid to let them show

Your true colors

Are beautiful, like a rainbow.

 - Cyndi Lauper

You know what gives me comfort?  Knowing that the people in my life are people I can show my “true colors” to.  They love me because I am real, flawed, screwed up and still learning and questioning life.  I don’t have to pretend or censor myself around them.  My “true blue” self can shine (or muddle its way) through. 

It gives me great comfort to know that I can be silly, goofy and dorky at times.  Yes, even at 40 years old, I still love to laugh and pretend I’m not a day over 15.  My soul doesn’t feel 40, that’s for sure!

Don’t we all deserve those kinds of people in our lives?  People we walk this path with; crying, talking, laughing, screaming.  But also, people that really “see” us.  They see our struggles, our silliness, our weaknesses and our quirks and they love us anyway!  They love us because of those quirks!

Life is too short to be lived with people that hold you back rather than life you up.  The people who love you should help you build bridges through hardship and teach you how to fly when you've forgotten how.

This is my wish for all of you.  That you find accepting, loving, non-judgmental, amazing people in your life.  I call them my True Blues.  My wish is that you walk with your truth openly and that your colors shine brightly and are celebrated and loved!

Open your heart and show your “true colors.”  You may be surprised at the “True Blues” you’ll find along the way!

Choose Love

The "Love Place"

The greatest weakness of most humans is their hesitancy to tell others how much they love them while they’re alive. – Orlando Battista

Sometimes I wonder why it’s so hard for people (myself included at times) to let go and just, love.  Why do we let our egos get in the way?  What stops us from being the bigger person, reaching out, loving?

It's been said that when you are truly balanced and at one with God/Spirit/One, you are at the place between thought and ego.  That place is love.

When you are in the “love place” it’s easier to love yourself and others.  It’s easy for you to express that love, that part of you that is pure soul.  Your ego isn’t allowed to enter that space; therefore, nothing stops you from sharing that authentic part of yourself.  Your true self. 

Ego is everywhere.  It’s that little voice that tells you that you’re always right.  It’s that hurt that you feel when you feel you’ve been wronged.  It’s that place you go to when you feel that you’ve been victimized.  It’s in the walls we build, the space we create and the distances we place between us and those around us.

To go to the “loving place,” close your eyes.  Focus on what you are thinking.  What are your thoughts?  Now focus on what you are feeling.  Are you happy?  Sad?  Frightened?  Hurt?  Angry?  Finally,  focus on that space in between.  There is a space between thought and feeling that is the core of who you are.

That is the real you.  That is soul.  That is connection to God/Spirit/One.  That is the "love place."

Once you’re there, peace reigns.  You are now connected to every person and living thing around you.  The trees, the animals.  You are pure love.  You are connected to the divine.  Allow yourself to remain in that space as long as you can.

Try to do this as often as you can throughout your day.

The more often you do this, the more centered you’ll be in your authentic self and the more peaceful you’ll be.

Then, you don’t even have to Choose Love.  You ARE love.

Time spent with loved ones is the most precious gift of all.

What we remember from childhood we remember forever – family, good friends, talking till dawn, laughter, eternal imagination, sharing secrets, making up games and running until we can not breathe.  The candles, the cake, the presents are only second best to the memories we make with those we love.  - Cynthia Ozick

My twin boys are turning 10 years old on Monday.  When asked what they wanted for their birthday, they were very clear.  They wanted a party with their friends and a special dinner with their family.  No presents were even mentioned.  Like me, they prefer experiences, spending time with people over stuff.  Yeah, stuff is fun, nice.  But wow, the memories we create while celebrating life just can’t be beat.

Right now, it is VERY loud in my house.  My children have their cousins and their closest friends over for a slumber party.  So far they’ve had the typical birthday fare:  Chips, soda, brownies, chicken and cheese quesadillas, popcorn.  They’ve played a plethora of made up games: Chase, haunted house, dance party, crazy man, etc.  The laughter that permeates these walls also fills my heart.  My children are having the time of their life.  And really, what better birthday gift can you ask for your child then laughter?

Tomorrow they will have a party at a local laser tag/bouncy place with all their friends.  Jacob’s cake will be decorated in a Halloween theme, Noah’s with a big picture of – himself and the words HAPPY in all different colors.  Because he is, well, happy.  They both designed their own cakes.  Being twins, we try to give them the opportunity to decide separately on things that are often expected to be decided as one.  Red and blue are the colors they choose.  But most importantly, they will have their friends to run and play with.  They’ll make up games and run and bounce until they drop.  And they will go to sleep with a heart full of happiness.  Happy because their friends were there to celebrate with them.

Sunday I will make them their birthday dinner.  Both boys requested lasagna.  They want grammy and Uncle Mike and grandma and Pap over.  I’m praying that will happen.  We’ll have a nice family dinner and be grateful that we are all alive and healthy to celebrate 10 years old with these precious souls.

Monday, their actual birthday, my husband and I will take cupcakes up to their school.  They both want chocolate and thankfully it’s been approved by the teachers.  After school we’ll go out for dinner – their choice.

Yes, it’s a big birthday weekend.  They are turning double digits – that’s a big deal in our family.  They won’t get a bunch of gifts from us, but they will get lots of time, love and laughter.  And that is what they’ll carry with them through to their next birthday and beyond.

So tonight, as I sit here cracking up at the computer at all the silliness and laughter that surrounds me, I thank God.  I thank God for my rainbows, these precious souls that I am so blessed to call my sons.  Oh how hard we fought to conceive our sweethearts.  7 years of IF heartache, all erased the moment I held my beautiful sons.  I am so grateful that I get to walk through life with these amazingly compassionate, funny little guys.  Every time they reach for my hand, they touch my heart and it feels like MY birthday all over again.  I get to be a mommy!!!! 

They are wanting me to come and play hide and seek so I must go.  But before I do, my final thought is this –

Do not take for granted the time you give up spending with those you love.  Remember, things do not matter, people do.  MAKE the time to spend with people you love.  Time is the best present you can give another...

And as always, Choose Love.

When you are hurt...

When people:

• Create problems when there are none.
• Talk behind your back, rather than to your face.
• Choose self righteousness when speaking with you.
• Walk out of your life and feign victim mentality.
• Judge you without knowing you.
• Judge you once knowing you.
• Play the holier-than-thou card incessantly.
• You thought would be there, aren’t.
• Choose lies over truth.
• Are passive aggressive.
• Choose cruelness over kindness.
• Hurt you without reason (as if there is ever a reason to hurt someone.)
• Pretend like you never existed.
• Take but rarely give.

Remember:

• A friendship that ended never really began.
• Nobody can hurt me without my permission.
• Don’t stress about the people from your past. There’s a reason why they didn’t make it to your future.
• I must learn to love the fool in me the one who feels too much, talks too much, takes too many chances, wins sometimes and loses often, lacks self-control, loves and hates, hurts and gets hurt, promises and breaks promises, laughs and cries.
• I have no need to conform to the stereotypes others have defined for me.
• If someone wants to be part of your life, they’ll make an effort to be in it.
• In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
• Happiness lies for those who cry, those who hurt, those who have searched, and those who have tried for only they can appreciate the importance of people who have touched their lives.
• The soul that is within me no man can degrade.
• No person is your friend if he demands your silence or denies your right to grow.
• The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.
• Being silent isn't being strong, it's being a victim.
• No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
• Love comes to those who still hope even though they've been disappointed, to those who still believe even though they've been betrayed, to those who still love even though they've been hurt before.

Live your life with forgiveness, compassion and kindness, for yourself and for others.  Choose to rise above the hurt in your heart and know that you are a good person with good intentions.  Know that you have a place in this world, a mission.  Be confident in the fact that there is a positive reason you are on this earth and that you are part of the greatest love of all, God.  Celebrate the lessons that living life with an open, innocent and adventurous heart has taught you.

Hold your head high – beautiful soul.

Choose Love always – in all ways. 

Embrace your flaws!

Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one. – Chinese Proverb

flaw:  noun

1. a feature that mars the perfection of something.

I think flaws are beautiful.  When people admit to or embrace their flaws, I feel that is celebrating all that God gave us.  We aren’t perfect people and to pretend otherwise is just plain silly. So when people are flawed and embrace their imperfections, I find something truly endearing about that.

Yes, there are those people that want us to think they have perfect lives, relationships, feelings, emotions, etc.  But the reality is - nobody is perfect.  We are all flawed.  And whether those flaws are on the outside or the inside, they’re there.  Once we admit them – own them, we can learn from them.  Whether or not we admit or show them to others is a personal choice.  But wow, think of how amazing it would be if we would all show our weaker sides!  If we all let down that guard of perfection and tore down those walls that protect us and showed the world our flaws, we would all have even more in common.  And we would learn from each other!

What are we so afraid of?  I often think that those who pretend to have perfect lives, perfect beliefs, perfect looks, etc. must be so tired!  They are killing themselves to keep up this facade. Whether it’s plastic surgery, over scheduling, the disease to please, the bigger house, the nicer cars, the popular labels, the holier than thou beliefs…geez.  It must be exhausting!

Why not learn to love your scars?  Whether they’re external or internal.  Don’t worry about the people that will hold them against you.  Yes, they’re everywhere waiting to judge you to make themselves feel better.  But when you are confident in who you are, you don’t need their validation. Remember, all judgment comes from an insecurity in the person doing the judging.  You are beautiful, flaws and all.  It is your body, your life, your path – own it!      

Rock that scar!  Let yourself cry at emotional movies!  Wear those size 18 jeans proudly!  Walk the unbeaten path with pride!  Work your gray hair or bald head!  You don't have to be the perfect spouse, sibling, friend, parent, etc.  Let go of your ego and let your flaunt your "imperfections!" 

Embrace your “flaws!”  Celebrate them.  Learn from them.  When you embrace your flaws you embrace confidence that allows you to live life for the better.

If you already do this, congratulations – you’re human! 

Choose Love!

What are you Thankful for?

What if you woke up today with only the things you thanked God for yesterday?- Unknown

That quote profoundly affected me.  I can honestly say that after reading it, I have thought about this question and made an effort to change the way I think every single day.

So often we look at what we don’t have, that we forget the immense amount of treasures that we do already have. Are we grateful enough?  Do we acknowledge our gratefulness daily?  Do we thank God?  Do we thank the earth?  Our family?  Our friends?  

It only takes a moment to truly feel thankful. And it only takes another moment to express it. 

Today, I wanted to take a moment to express my thankfulness.

I am thankful for:

*God’s undeniable presence in my life.

*Jesus Christ whose nonjudgmental love and compassion I strive to live by.

*My angels that send signs and give me hope when my soul is weak.

*The beautiful souls that are my children.

*My best friend, my companion, my soul mate, my other – my husband.

*My family, both blood and chosen family.

*The friends that surround me with their love.

*All of the people that choose to be a part of my life.

*My fur babies who show me unconditional love.

*My health and the health of my family.

*Our home that shelters us and our car that safely gets us from A to B.

*Humanity and compassion. Both are God speaking.

*The Earth, the land, the waters, the mountains, the wildlife- the natural beauty of Earth.

*Love and laughter.  Both fill my soul and carry me through life.

*Living in a country where we are allowed the freedom to speak and express ourselves.

*Lessons.  I am grateful that in hard times, I can choose to learn instead of wallow.

There are so many things to be thankful for!  Those are just some of mine.

What are some of yours?  Who have you thanked today?

Choose Love

Believe when there is nothing to believe in...

Faith is the bird that sings when the dawn is still dark. – Rabindranath Tagore

Cloudy are the skies of my life, though I see breaks of sunlight.  With little to give me hope, I still refuse to stop believing that all will be well and that love will return.  True love.  The kind that lasts forever.  The kind worth fighting for.

I’m trying to look towards the future and at the same time next to me.  It’s still him in the rocking chair when we’re 95 years old.  Tracing my wrinkles with his weathered hands, still thinking I am beautiful. 

My love is the undying kind, created before being born.  There is no other way to love.  When love isn’t enough, I pray.  I look towards the Heavens and see my hawk, soaring high.  God speaks.

I close my eyes and his face flashes in my mind.  The same face I’ve looked at with love every single day for 17 years.  I let myself love, forgive, hope.

It’s terrifying, to say the least, to believe in the unknown.  It is scary to put my faith in another broken soul.  But really, what else is there? 

So tonight, again, I pray…

Choose Love

For Jamey and all the other “Jamey’s” struggling out there...

Each time a person stands up for an ideal, or acts to improve the lot of others, or strikes out against injustice, he sends forth a tiny ripple of hope, and crossing each other from a million different centers of energy and daring, these ripples build a current that can sweep down the mightiest walls of oppression and resistance. - Robert Francis Kennedy

Jamey's parents talk about Jamey still being bullied after his death.

My heart cries for Jamey Rodemeyer’s sweet, innocent soul as well as for the family he left behind.  My heart cries for every person that is denied the right to live without being bullied or discriminated against simply because of who they were born to be.  My heart cries for the ignorance that is so easily bestowed upon people who are different then we are or who call into question our beliefs.  

I find it reprehensible that a child felt he had no other choice then to DIE rather than live the life that he was born to live.  Why are we not standing up for one another?

I can not believe that we are still tearing each other down for what we don't understand.  Why are we not educating ourselves about our differences?

I find it appalling that this child was so scared of his peers, and their parents, that he felt he had no other choice then to take his own life.

I find it disgusting that we are not holding these people accountable for helping to kill this child.  And that’s what he was, a child.

Bullying is a hate crime.  Jamey cried out for help!  Where were we?  Comfortable in our homes with our heads nicely buried in the sand?  In church preaching about how Jesus loves everyone and how we should do the same?  Grateful that it isn't our child that was being so endlessly tortured? 

We are all equal regardless of gender, religion, sexual orientation, race, weight, etc.  Let me repeat that for those that didn’t get it the first time:

We are ALL EQUAL.  And we should be treated as such.  Our differences do not need to be understood to be respected.  And our differences certainly should not negate bullying, hate, threats and violence. 

These were KIDS that were telling this BOY that he should die because he is a "faggot" and "all faggots go to hell."  These sick people (parents included) are still bullying this child after he has already committed suicide.  Yelling, "Nobody cares that you're dead!" at his funeral. 

I understand that some people (as ignorant as it may be) think being gay is a choice.  I get that there are some people (as ignorant as it may be) that think being gay a "sin."  But how dare you torture another INNOCENT human being!  A child! Live your own life and leave others to live their life in peace.  I truly do NOT understand this world and the hate that surrounds so many people and their "views."  Stop the hate.  Bullying is a HATE CRIME.

You go to prison for smoking marijuana, but not for bullying someone into suicide?  What is wrong with us? 

You go to prison for not paying your taxes, but not for terrifying and threatening a child? 

Wake up, I beg you!  Do something!

Write to President Obama here:

www.whitehouse.gov

-          Fill in the required blanks in the "Contact the White House" form. Those fields include your full name, zip code and a subject line. You must limit your message to 2,500 characters. You must also fill in two code words on the bottom of the page. The code words prevent automated spam transmissions.  Tell President Obama that bullying is a hate crime and should be treated as such. 

-          Call your local schools and make sure they have a ZERO TOLERANCE POLICY for bullying.  Ask that there be rules and actions in place for any child being bullied.  If it isn’t a law in your state, write your law makers until it happens.

http://thebullyproject.com

-          Join The Bully Project.  Share it with your family and friends.  Talk to the local schools about implementing some of the tools you can find there.  Click on the resources tab located at the top of this site.  There are a myriad of resources here.  Share them with everyone you know, schools, churches, etc.

Please, PLEASE be a voice for these children. 

Thinking of all those that are suffering today simply because of other peoples ignorance.  Praying that someday we will all, finally, do what Jesus did - CHOOSE LOVE!

Watch Jamey’s brave, inspirational and soul wrenching videos here:

Jayme's Video - It Get's Better.

How do you make people feel?

I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. - Maya Angelou

This quote always stirs something in me.  I often remember feelings more than actual memories.  Looking back on my life, I usually remember how I felt with someone rather than what we actually did or said.  So easily, I believe, we can forget moments, details, words, etc.  But we never forget how we felt.

For me, I am drawn to people who are non judgmental, compassionate, funny and accepting.  The need to feel safe with someone is top of the list.  Safe in that I can be who I am without being judged or cast aside as someone easily discarded.  Isn’t that something most people want?  To be able to be their true, authentic self and it be accepted rather then dissected and thrown away? 

When leaving after meeting with family or friends, I often walk away with a feeling rather than actual details.  There are times where I am bursting with happiness, that warm, fuzzy feeling that you want to share with the world.  Then there are times that I leave feeling depleted of all acceptance and rather sad.

Same with phone or email conversations.  The intent may not be clear, but the feeling usually is. 

When pouring your heart out doesn’t’ negate a response, well, it’s rather hurtful.  And that is a feeling you remember.  When you are pushed out of someone’s life or circumstances, it also, is not a great feeling.  When someone uses words or actions to hurt you, it’s often remembered in how you felt, rather than the actual words or actions used.

You remember how you felt around these people.

You know if you are being judged and cast aside or if you are being loved and accepted.  It’s a feeling you receive from someone that goes beyond words or actions.

The intent in this post is to call attention to how we all make people feel.  I hope that when people are around me, they feel loved and accepted as they are with no expectations or stipulations.  I hope that I communicate effectively what I want and need in a relationship so that nobody is left wondering.  I hope that I treat people as I want to be treated and that others know that I want to be treated equally as well.  I hope that when people leave a conversation or visit with me, they leave knowing that they will always be welcomed back with open arms and an open heart.  I hope that with me, the people in my life feel safe.

I hope they know that though I will stumble and falter and that I am not near perfect, I will always…

Choose Love.

Always.    

39 Years of Lessons and Living...

I will not die an unlived life. I will not live in fear of falling or

catching fire. I choose to inhabit my days, to allow my living to open me, to make me less afraid, more accessible, to loosen my heart until it becomes a wing, a torch, a promise. I choose to risk my significance; to live so that which comes to me as seed goes to the next as blossom and that which comes to me as blossom, goes on as fruit. - Dawna Markova

I turned 40 years old on September 6^th 2011.  I had always looked forward to turning 40.  I was excited for 40.  I felt like 40 was an accomplishment, a new adventure, something to brag about.

Then it all hit me.  Whoa.   I was turning 40.  Wow.  39 years of life have been lived.  I can’t ever get those years back.  In the last month before I turned 40, quite a bit hit me.  Several rather hurtful family issues, a best friend from childhood passing away, my husbands’ brain injury rearing its ugly head, a failed adoption, etc.  The realization of my mortality suddenly became stronger then it ever had.  “I’m going to be 40.  That’s half way to 80.  Can I make it that far?  What if I can’t?  Did I do everything I wanted to?  Does everyone know how much I love them?  Did I learn enough?  Did I do my best?  Did I give enough?  Did I live enough?  I’m not done yet!!!”  Ugh!

I freaked out.  I needed to take a step back and reevaluate what was happening around me, to me. 

Getting real with myself was mandatory to break free of the panic cycle.  Sometimes reality is hard to live in, at least for me.  My rose colored glasses suddenly fogged up and cracked.  Panic.

So I thought about what I really knew.

I was proud of my life.  I was proud of my mistakes and all that I have learned from not only admitting and owning them, but that I took the time to learn from them.

I love my children more than anything on this earth.  They are my life, my heart and my rainbows.  Nothing in this world is more important to me than their happiness and well being.  Walking this path with them is my greatest honor.  Before having my children, I never knew love like this existed.  I will treasure my children, listen to them, love them and be there for them all the days of my life.  Through every change, drama, hardship and happiness, I will be there.

My husband is my best friend.  16 years of marriage and we are still going strong.  I know that marriage isn’t easy. In fact, it’s hard.  And there have been times when I truly thought I couldn’t do it anymore.  Communication between men and women is so vastly different.  He drives me nuts and I exasperate him.  Yet, there is no other person on this earth I want to sit on the porch with in our rocking chairs watching our grandkids play, then him.  I love him.  He’s my other.  He’s my match.  We’re Michele and Bill.  Soulmates. 

I learned that I can’t rely on everyone, but I can’t expect that everyone will hurt me.  Those darn walls that we put up (sometimes subconsciously) are pretty hard to tear down.  The risk of being hurt is sometimes too much to bear.  But I did it.  I let my walls down.  And yes, sometimes I was hurt.  I was hurt pretty darn badly and sometimes it seemed like I wasn’t learning the lesson I needed in order to not get hurt again.  But really, isn’t that all part of life?  Loving, hurting, tearing down those walls and opening up?

I know who I am and who my friends are.  There are the friends that I like to call “lifers.”  You know who they are instantly.  They have your back and your heart and never let you forget it.  They don’t judge you, they believe the best in you and they support you no matter what.  They show up, they hug tight, they make you part of their family and they never walk away.  Ever.  Then there are the people that show up in your life to teach you something about yourself, and leave.  And I am thankful for both.

    

I’ve had some tough stuff thrown at me, but I’ve gotten by.  I thank God and my angels for that.  I’ve been through more than most in my 39 years and yet I know it could have been so much worse.  I lived through hell and I found God in doing so.  I am grateful for that knowledge.  I like to think I’m a pretty open book.  Ask me a question about my life and I’ll share an honest answer.  My hope is that in sharing, someone else will see that they aren’t alone.

The week of my birthday was awesome, and eye opening.  The people that made an effort to be a part of it are now and forever will be appreciated.  The people that knew I was struggling and just simply needed their presence, their love and made that happen will always have a special place in my heart.  They made me feel special, loved and like I mattered.  And truly, humbly, I needed that.  They have my heart.

Yep, 40 hit me hard.  But I made it and I will continue to make it.  I will continue to learn from my mistakes, and I will make them.  I will continue to love with my whole heart, because I don’t know how else to love.  I will continue to get hurt, because I will never close my heart.  I will continue to give as much of myself and my life as I can, because really, why else be here?  I will continue to live out loud, laugh, be silly and yes, even inappropriate at times!  I will fight for what I believe in, even if I am condemned for it.  I will speak my truth, tell my side and forgive freely.  I will love my husband and children with everything that I am and will make sure that they know every single day that they are loved.

I will cry, I will hurt, I will be afraid…

But at the end of the day, I will always –

CHOOSE LOVE

Forgive...

Forgiving does not erase the bitter past.
A healed memory is not a deleted memory.
Instead, forgiving what we cannot forget
creates a new way to remember.
We change the memory of our past into a
hope for our future.
- Lewis B. Smedes

Today, I choose to forgive, not forget.

Today, I choose to learn from my past, not live in my past.

Today, I choose happiness over heartache.

Today, I choose love and laughter over loss and defeat.

Today, I Choose Love.

See Yourself In Others...

See Yourself In Others

All beings tremble before violence.

All fear death.  All love life.

See yourself in others.

Then whom can you hurt?  What harm can you do?

He who seeks happiness, by hurting those who seek happiness,

Will never find happiness.

For your brother is like you.  He wants to be happy.  Never harm him.

You too will find happiness.  In this life.  And after you leave this life.

The 3^rd Buddha

I received some wonderful advice the other day while speaking with a good friend.  She said, “Imagine a white light surrounding every person you look at today.”  At the time I thought, “Well, alright, but that’s a little silly.”  But I did it.  Every person I looked at, I imagined a white light surrounding them.  After a while, I saw people differently.  I saw people as souls.  They were just like me.  Trying to live life to the best of their ability.  Making mistakes, learning, accepting their flaws and struggling.  There was a connection that I hadn’t felt as deeply before.  We truly are souls having a human experience.  Watching these people (strangers, friends, family, etc.) surrounded by this white light made me feel closer to them.  It made me want to protect them.  It made me realize that we are all part of one thing.  The greatest love we will ever know. 

That was such a powerful thing for me.  To look at these souls having a human experience. 

When I realized that in imagining people surrounded by white light I had somehow connected with these souls on a greater level and my love for my fellow human beings grew.

So try it.  Imagine the people you see today surrounded by white light and see where it takes you.  And please, always….Choose Love.

You Are Not Alone

You Are Not Alone

There are days when people will undoubtedly try to bring you down.  Their intent isn’t pure and you know they’re trying to hurt you either emotionally or spiritually with their words or actions.  It feels truly rotten.  You wonder what you’ve done, question yourself, talk to God and pray.  You feel shocked, taken by surprise and dismayed.  You struggle to understand, you go to sleep confused and you try to find the strength to be the better person.    

Courage doesn't always roar.

Sometimes courage is the quiet voice

at the end of the day saying,

"I will try again tomorrow.”  - Mary Anne Radmacher

You feel alone.  You reach out to feel a connection with another soul.  Because you know that truly, we are all connected.  And when we hurt each other, we are really hurting ourselves.

Friends share our pain and touch our wounds with a gentle and tender hand. - Henri Nouwen

For anyone out there feeling this way, please know that you are NOT alone.  I am here to tell you that YOU ARE NOT ALONE!  I want to send as much love and positive energy to all of those feeling hurt, wronged and put down.  I want to grab and hug every person out there that is feeling sad, lonely, scared, unsure, insecure and frightened. 

Individually, we are one drop.

Together, we are an ocean. - Ryunosuke Satoro

This too shall pass and eventually you’ll see that there are better, truer experiences waiting for you.  You’ll see that the road blocks put in your way were really to guide you on to bigger, more amazing things, people and places.

When one door of happiness closes, another opens,

but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us. - Helen Keller

You will realize that as you move forward and open your heart to new people, experiences and opportunities, your life takes on amazing light.  Love can only enter an open heart.  As you feel your heart open, you light the way for others to see that they also, can risk opening their hearts to love.  And the chain of love goes on…

As we work to create light for others, we naturally light our own way. - Mary Anne Radmacher

I leave you with this – You are not alone.  We are all connected and karma will take care of itself.  When someone hurts you, it means they are hurting themselves.  Choose love.  When you are hurt, you have a choice - you can choose fear or choose love.  When you are struggling on how to react, you can choose to react out of anger and sadness or you can react coming from a place of love.  Fill your heart with love, and no hurt can enter.

Being hurt by someone you truly care about leaves a hole in you heart that only love can fill. – Unknown

For all that are hurting, scared, sad and feeling alone – for you – I Choose Love.