For Jamey and all the other “Jamey’s” struggling out there...

Each time a person stands up for an ideal, or acts to improve the lot of others, or strikes out against injustice, he sends forth a tiny ripple of hope, and crossing each other from a million different centers of energy and daring, these ripples build a current that can sweep down the mightiest walls of oppression and resistance. - Robert Francis Kennedy

Jamey's parents talk about Jamey still being bullied after his death.

My heart cries for Jamey Rodemeyer’s sweet, innocent soul as well as for the family he left behind.  My heart cries for every person that is denied the right to live without being bullied or discriminated against simply because of who they were born to be.  My heart cries for the ignorance that is so easily bestowed upon people who are different then we are or who call into question our beliefs.  

I find it reprehensible that a child felt he had no other choice then to DIE rather than live the life that he was born to live.  Why are we not standing up for one another?

I can not believe that we are still tearing each other down for what we don't understand.  Why are we not educating ourselves about our differences?

I find it appalling that this child was so scared of his peers, and their parents, that he felt he had no other choice then to take his own life.

I find it disgusting that we are not holding these people accountable for helping to kill this child.  And that’s what he was, a child.

Bullying is a hate crime.  Jamey cried out for help!  Where were we?  Comfortable in our homes with our heads nicely buried in the sand?  In church preaching about how Jesus loves everyone and how we should do the same?  Grateful that it isn't our child that was being so endlessly tortured? 

We are all equal regardless of gender, religion, sexual orientation, race, weight, etc.  Let me repeat that for those that didn’t get it the first time:

We are ALL EQUAL.  And we should be treated as such.  Our differences do not need to be understood to be respected.  And our differences certainly should not negate bullying, hate, threats and violence. 

These were KIDS that were telling this BOY that he should die because he is a "faggot" and "all faggots go to hell."  These sick people (parents included) are still bullying this child after he has already committed suicide.  Yelling, "Nobody cares that you're dead!" at his funeral. 

I understand that some people (as ignorant as it may be) think being gay is a choice.  I get that there are some people (as ignorant as it may be) that think being gay a "sin."  But how dare you torture another INNOCENT human being!  A child! Live your own life and leave others to live their life in peace.  I truly do NOT understand this world and the hate that surrounds so many people and their "views."  Stop the hate.  Bullying is a HATE CRIME.

You go to prison for smoking marijuana, but not for bullying someone into suicide?  What is wrong with us? 

You go to prison for not paying your taxes, but not for terrifying and threatening a child? 

Wake up, I beg you!  Do something!

Write to President Obama here:

www.whitehouse.gov

-          Fill in the required blanks in the "Contact the White House" form. Those fields include your full name, zip code and a subject line. You must limit your message to 2,500 characters. You must also fill in two code words on the bottom of the page. The code words prevent automated spam transmissions.  Tell President Obama that bullying is a hate crime and should be treated as such. 

-          Call your local schools and make sure they have a ZERO TOLERANCE POLICY for bullying.  Ask that there be rules and actions in place for any child being bullied.  If it isn’t a law in your state, write your law makers until it happens.

http://thebullyproject.com

-          Join The Bully Project.  Share it with your family and friends.  Talk to the local schools about implementing some of the tools you can find there.  Click on the resources tab located at the top of this site.  There are a myriad of resources here.  Share them with everyone you know, schools, churches, etc.

Please, PLEASE be a voice for these children. 

Thinking of all those that are suffering today simply because of other peoples ignorance.  Praying that someday we will all, finally, do what Jesus did - CHOOSE LOVE!

Watch Jamey’s brave, inspirational and soul wrenching videos here:

Jayme's Video - It Get's Better.

How do you make people feel?

I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. - Maya Angelou

This quote always stirs something in me.  I often remember feelings more than actual memories.  Looking back on my life, I usually remember how I felt with someone rather than what we actually did or said.  So easily, I believe, we can forget moments, details, words, etc.  But we never forget how we felt.

For me, I am drawn to people who are non judgmental, compassionate, funny and accepting.  The need to feel safe with someone is top of the list.  Safe in that I can be who I am without being judged or cast aside as someone easily discarded.  Isn’t that something most people want?  To be able to be their true, authentic self and it be accepted rather then dissected and thrown away? 

When leaving after meeting with family or friends, I often walk away with a feeling rather than actual details.  There are times where I am bursting with happiness, that warm, fuzzy feeling that you want to share with the world.  Then there are times that I leave feeling depleted of all acceptance and rather sad.

Same with phone or email conversations.  The intent may not be clear, but the feeling usually is. 

When pouring your heart out doesn’t’ negate a response, well, it’s rather hurtful.  And that is a feeling you remember.  When you are pushed out of someone’s life or circumstances, it also, is not a great feeling.  When someone uses words or actions to hurt you, it’s often remembered in how you felt, rather than the actual words or actions used.

You remember how you felt around these people.

You know if you are being judged and cast aside or if you are being loved and accepted.  It’s a feeling you receive from someone that goes beyond words or actions.

The intent in this post is to call attention to how we all make people feel.  I hope that when people are around me, they feel loved and accepted as they are with no expectations or stipulations.  I hope that I communicate effectively what I want and need in a relationship so that nobody is left wondering.  I hope that I treat people as I want to be treated and that others know that I want to be treated equally as well.  I hope that when people leave a conversation or visit with me, they leave knowing that they will always be welcomed back with open arms and an open heart.  I hope that with me, the people in my life feel safe.

I hope they know that though I will stumble and falter and that I am not near perfect, I will always…

Choose Love.

Always.    

39 Years of Lessons and Living...

I will not die an unlived life. I will not live in fear of falling or

catching fire. I choose to inhabit my days, to allow my living to open me, to make me less afraid, more accessible, to loosen my heart until it becomes a wing, a torch, a promise. I choose to risk my significance; to live so that which comes to me as seed goes to the next as blossom and that which comes to me as blossom, goes on as fruit. - Dawna Markova

I turned 40 years old on September 6^th 2011.  I had always looked forward to turning 40.  I was excited for 40.  I felt like 40 was an accomplishment, a new adventure, something to brag about.

Then it all hit me.  Whoa.   I was turning 40.  Wow.  39 years of life have been lived.  I can’t ever get those years back.  In the last month before I turned 40, quite a bit hit me.  Several rather hurtful family issues, a best friend from childhood passing away, my husbands’ brain injury rearing its ugly head, a failed adoption, etc.  The realization of my mortality suddenly became stronger then it ever had.  “I’m going to be 40.  That’s half way to 80.  Can I make it that far?  What if I can’t?  Did I do everything I wanted to?  Does everyone know how much I love them?  Did I learn enough?  Did I do my best?  Did I give enough?  Did I live enough?  I’m not done yet!!!”  Ugh!

I freaked out.  I needed to take a step back and reevaluate what was happening around me, to me. 

Getting real with myself was mandatory to break free of the panic cycle.  Sometimes reality is hard to live in, at least for me.  My rose colored glasses suddenly fogged up and cracked.  Panic.

So I thought about what I really knew.

I was proud of my life.  I was proud of my mistakes and all that I have learned from not only admitting and owning them, but that I took the time to learn from them.

I love my children more than anything on this earth.  They are my life, my heart and my rainbows.  Nothing in this world is more important to me than their happiness and well being.  Walking this path with them is my greatest honor.  Before having my children, I never knew love like this existed.  I will treasure my children, listen to them, love them and be there for them all the days of my life.  Through every change, drama, hardship and happiness, I will be there.

My husband is my best friend.  16 years of marriage and we are still going strong.  I know that marriage isn’t easy. In fact, it’s hard.  And there have been times when I truly thought I couldn’t do it anymore.  Communication between men and women is so vastly different.  He drives me nuts and I exasperate him.  Yet, there is no other person on this earth I want to sit on the porch with in our rocking chairs watching our grandkids play, then him.  I love him.  He’s my other.  He’s my match.  We’re Michele and Bill.  Soulmates. 

I learned that I can’t rely on everyone, but I can’t expect that everyone will hurt me.  Those darn walls that we put up (sometimes subconsciously) are pretty hard to tear down.  The risk of being hurt is sometimes too much to bear.  But I did it.  I let my walls down.  And yes, sometimes I was hurt.  I was hurt pretty darn badly and sometimes it seemed like I wasn’t learning the lesson I needed in order to not get hurt again.  But really, isn’t that all part of life?  Loving, hurting, tearing down those walls and opening up?

I know who I am and who my friends are.  There are the friends that I like to call “lifers.”  You know who they are instantly.  They have your back and your heart and never let you forget it.  They don’t judge you, they believe the best in you and they support you no matter what.  They show up, they hug tight, they make you part of their family and they never walk away.  Ever.  Then there are the people that show up in your life to teach you something about yourself, and leave.  And I am thankful for both.

    

I’ve had some tough stuff thrown at me, but I’ve gotten by.  I thank God and my angels for that.  I’ve been through more than most in my 39 years and yet I know it could have been so much worse.  I lived through hell and I found God in doing so.  I am grateful for that knowledge.  I like to think I’m a pretty open book.  Ask me a question about my life and I’ll share an honest answer.  My hope is that in sharing, someone else will see that they aren’t alone.

The week of my birthday was awesome, and eye opening.  The people that made an effort to be a part of it are now and forever will be appreciated.  The people that knew I was struggling and just simply needed their presence, their love and made that happen will always have a special place in my heart.  They made me feel special, loved and like I mattered.  And truly, humbly, I needed that.  They have my heart.

Yep, 40 hit me hard.  But I made it and I will continue to make it.  I will continue to learn from my mistakes, and I will make them.  I will continue to love with my whole heart, because I don’t know how else to love.  I will continue to get hurt, because I will never close my heart.  I will continue to give as much of myself and my life as I can, because really, why else be here?  I will continue to live out loud, laugh, be silly and yes, even inappropriate at times!  I will fight for what I believe in, even if I am condemned for it.  I will speak my truth, tell my side and forgive freely.  I will love my husband and children with everything that I am and will make sure that they know every single day that they are loved.

I will cry, I will hurt, I will be afraid…

But at the end of the day, I will always –

CHOOSE LOVE

Forgive...

Forgiving does not erase the bitter past.
A healed memory is not a deleted memory.
Instead, forgiving what we cannot forget
creates a new way to remember.
We change the memory of our past into a
hope for our future.
- Lewis B. Smedes

Today, I choose to forgive, not forget.

Today, I choose to learn from my past, not live in my past.

Today, I choose happiness over heartache.

Today, I choose love and laughter over loss and defeat.

Today, I Choose Love.

See Yourself In Others...

See Yourself In Others

All beings tremble before violence.

All fear death.  All love life.

See yourself in others.

Then whom can you hurt?  What harm can you do?

He who seeks happiness, by hurting those who seek happiness,

Will never find happiness.

For your brother is like you.  He wants to be happy.  Never harm him.

You too will find happiness.  In this life.  And after you leave this life.

The 3^rd Buddha

I received some wonderful advice the other day while speaking with a good friend.  She said, “Imagine a white light surrounding every person you look at today.”  At the time I thought, “Well, alright, but that’s a little silly.”  But I did it.  Every person I looked at, I imagined a white light surrounding them.  After a while, I saw people differently.  I saw people as souls.  They were just like me.  Trying to live life to the best of their ability.  Making mistakes, learning, accepting their flaws and struggling.  There was a connection that I hadn’t felt as deeply before.  We truly are souls having a human experience.  Watching these people (strangers, friends, family, etc.) surrounded by this white light made me feel closer to them.  It made me want to protect them.  It made me realize that we are all part of one thing.  The greatest love we will ever know. 

That was such a powerful thing for me.  To look at these souls having a human experience. 

When I realized that in imagining people surrounded by white light I had somehow connected with these souls on a greater level and my love for my fellow human beings grew.

So try it.  Imagine the people you see today surrounded by white light and see where it takes you.  And please, always….Choose Love.

You Are Not Alone

You Are Not Alone

There are days when people will undoubtedly try to bring you down.  Their intent isn’t pure and you know they’re trying to hurt you either emotionally or spiritually with their words or actions.  It feels truly rotten.  You wonder what you’ve done, question yourself, talk to God and pray.  You feel shocked, taken by surprise and dismayed.  You struggle to understand, you go to sleep confused and you try to find the strength to be the better person.    

Courage doesn't always roar.

Sometimes courage is the quiet voice

at the end of the day saying,

"I will try again tomorrow.”  - Mary Anne Radmacher

You feel alone.  You reach out to feel a connection with another soul.  Because you know that truly, we are all connected.  And when we hurt each other, we are really hurting ourselves.

Friends share our pain and touch our wounds with a gentle and tender hand. - Henri Nouwen

For anyone out there feeling this way, please know that you are NOT alone.  I am here to tell you that YOU ARE NOT ALONE!  I want to send as much love and positive energy to all of those feeling hurt, wronged and put down.  I want to grab and hug every person out there that is feeling sad, lonely, scared, unsure, insecure and frightened. 

Individually, we are one drop.

Together, we are an ocean. - Ryunosuke Satoro

This too shall pass and eventually you’ll see that there are better, truer experiences waiting for you.  You’ll see that the road blocks put in your way were really to guide you on to bigger, more amazing things, people and places.

When one door of happiness closes, another opens,

but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us. - Helen Keller

You will realize that as you move forward and open your heart to new people, experiences and opportunities, your life takes on amazing light.  Love can only enter an open heart.  As you feel your heart open, you light the way for others to see that they also, can risk opening their hearts to love.  And the chain of love goes on…

As we work to create light for others, we naturally light our own way. - Mary Anne Radmacher

I leave you with this – You are not alone.  We are all connected and karma will take care of itself.  When someone hurts you, it means they are hurting themselves.  Choose love.  When you are hurt, you have a choice - you can choose fear or choose love.  When you are struggling on how to react, you can choose to react out of anger and sadness or you can react coming from a place of love.  Fill your heart with love, and no hurt can enter.

Being hurt by someone you truly care about leaves a hole in you heart that only love can fill. – Unknown

For all that are hurting, scared, sad and feeling alone – for you – I Choose Love.

Find Your Voice...

Find Your Voice

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us most. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and famous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in all of us. And when we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”  - Used by Nelson Mandela in his 1994 inaugural speech.

This quote literally changed my life.  When I am feeling stifled, or like my feelings or voice doesn’t matter, I read it.  When I’m told that I should behave a certain way that contradicts my spirit or that I should feel something that is not authentic to me, I read it.  When I’ve been wronged and I feel that I’m not being heard, I read it.  When a story about me is being told without my permission, I read it.

When I’ve lost my voice (whether it be in relationships or with myself on my own personal path) I literally loose my voice.  My throat gets raspy and I can’t speak.  My neck feels constricted, much like my spirit.

Its funny how our bodies and souls are connected isn’t it?

I’ve learned (albeit slowly) to find my voice.  I don’t see myself as a person not worthy of my own thoughts and feelings anymore.  And I certainly believe that I deserve to be heard.  I have a story, and it’s up to me whether or not to share that story.  I have thoughts and feelings and my own side of the story that deserves to be heard. 

And so do you. 

Never let anyone make you feel small or unworthy.  Never give anyone permission to take away your own personal power.  You are the author of your life and you decide how that story is written and shared with the world. 

Give yourself permission to speak, shout, scream.  Give yourself permission to be you.  Authentic, wonderful, quirky, amazing - you. 

Let your let shine, your voice shout and your spirit soar!!!!

And always, Choose Love.

Why Empaths are Hard to Read ...

    "A human creature born abnormally, inhumanly sensitive.

    To him a touch is a blow, a sound is a noise,

    a misfortune is a tragedy, a joy is an ecstasy,

    a friend is a lover, a lover is a god, and failure is death.

    Add to this cruelly delicate organism

    the overpowering necessity to create, create, create —

    so that without the creating of music

    or poetry or books or buildings or something of meaning,

    his very breath is cut off from him.

    He must create, must pour out creation.

    By some strange, unknown, inward urgency

    he is not really alive unless he is creating."

    (Pearl S. Buck)

Today I packed up my boys and headed to my friends’ house.  The boys were excited to play with her sweet girls and I was excited to talk with my friend.  Girl talk.  Mom to mom, woman to woman, empath to empath.  The kiddos all took off to harvest fresh basil, make potions, control the weather with their wands and pretend they were wizards with amazing powers.

As I sat with my friend, I felt her energy, connected with her spirit and was ready to chat.  Little did I know that this chat would be a soul soaring lesson for me.

We were talking about things empaths talk about (energy drains, how to protect your feelings, creative pursuits, the world, peace, disconnect, music, love, loss.)  Eventually our conversation turned to the tarot and guides/energy.  I had often wondered why I was such a hard read.  Very few “psychics” have ever been able to read me.  As much as I try to open myself up and pray before hand, they rarely connect with my energy.  I was assuming that because I am an empath, that meant I was easily readable.  Ha!  My friend spoke and flipped a switch on for me. 

Yep, I had a revelation today, a light bulb moment if you will.   

She said that because I’m an empath, they can NOT connect with me because I am always picking up bits and pieces of everyone else’s energy and it gets mixed up and swirled around and spit out.  I am always carrying around all of this extra energy with me and heck, it’s hard for ME to discern what is mine and what is everyone else’s.  You’d have to be a VERY gifted psychic to read me.

Wow.

That truly made SO much sense to me and gave me such comfort.  The knowing fell right into place.  Did I mention that my friend is not only a fellow empath, she is intuitive and smart as heck!  You can follow her amazing blog here:

Unspoken Love

We talked about how taking time away from high energy people is important to realign your own energy.  Much like the advice we often hear about taking care of yourself so that you are able to take care of others.  Which, as an empath, that’s usually what makes us feel fulfilled, taking care of others.

We chatted about how when you are an empath, you pick up on energy the same way other people breathe.  It just happens.  You can’t help it.  Of course that also means you can feel peoples’ intent.  Sometimes their intent is kind and comes from a place of love.  Other times, the intent is not so nice and comes from a place of jealousy or something darker.  That is the worst thing about being an empath.  Whether it’s a post on Facebook, an email, a text or a spoken word, an empath feels the intent.  And when it’s meant cruelly, that burns to the core.

Empaths, for whatever reason, are celebrated when they’re “on” and pushed away when they’ve finally been drained.  They are everyone’s friend when they’re happy and able to connect and give love and great energy.  But they are often cast aside when they are drained, unhappy and struggling with their own life’s issues.

"Everybody loves you when you're easy. Everybody hates when you're a bore. Everyone is waiting for your entrance. So don't disappoint them."  Sarah Mclachlan from her song Black and White.

And that is when we burn out.  Here are some signs that you (as an empath) are burning out:

• Are you able to communicate effectively and able to explain your point of view without being worried about being attacked?  Are you still able to show compassion while staying detached enough that you don’t completely take on others’ energy?

• Are you constantly being drawn in to other people’s drama? Have you become a dumping ground for other people’s stress and bad energy?

• We often feel that it’s truly our life’s purpose to play the part of the counselor. It’s what fulfills us.  Are you able to do that without feeling drained?

• Do you worry about and for everyone?  Does worrying about other people literally make you sick?  (Nauseous, stiff neck muscles, stomach pain, etc?)

• Do you find yourself staying away from groups of people?

• Can you walk into a room and not feel overwhelmed by the energy?

If you recognize those things in your life, chances are you are burnt out.  It’s time to build your energy and put up those psychic shields.

Start with meditation and visualization which are very important for empaths.  While sitting in a chair, feet flat on the floor, imagine yourself surrounded by the white light of God.  Your crown chakra protected by this white light.  The white light travels through your body with perfect protective intent.  No negativity can permeate this loving white light.  Feel the warm white light of God gently cleansing your soul of all negativity.  See your aura becoming stronger, brighter and more colorful.  Let your inner light shine bright and know that it is surrounded and protected by God’s white loving light.

You can also use rose quartz crystals.  They absorb negative energy and only allow positive energy through.  Whether you wear them, meditate while holding them or keep them next to your bed, they are very useful in drawing out the negative and protecting the positive.

Another technique is to use the “heart mirror.”  When you are communicating with others, picture your heart as a mirror that is reflecting back to them, positive authentic love surrounded by white light.

Remember, as much as you are comfortable in feeling other people’s emotions as second nature, YOUR feelings matter just as much.  You must express how you feel as well.  You must be honest.  Your feelings are non-negotiable, no matter how controlling another person might want to be, or think they can be.

If you constantly feel negative intent from a person (even when putting positive intent towards what you want to happen) they are obviously not worthy of your time and energy.  It is up to you how often you feel the intent before moving on. 

Eventually, protecting yourself from taking on others’ energy will become second nature, or at least I’m told.  (I’m admittedly a work in progress.)

My hope is that I can still feel the compassion and love I feel on the level I feel it without drawing out other peoples’ emotions and energy and carrying it around with me.  No wonder I’m tired all the time!  No wonder this silly empath can’t get a good reading!

I have lots of homework to do and am excited to start practicing what I preach.  In the meantime, I will always continue to Choose Love. 

And I pray you will too.

My Promise to My Children

A mother's love is instinctual, unconditional, and forever. - Unknown

A mother understands what a child does not say. - Jewish proverb

A mother's love for her child is like nothing else in the world. It knows no law, no pity; it dares all things and crushes down remorselessly all that stands in its path. - Agatha Christie

A boy's best friend is his mother. - Joseph Stefano

My Promise to My Children

I promise to always make sure that you know you matter.  And I will never stop making you aware of this fact.

I promise to love you even if you are unlovable in the moment. 

I promise to be there.  Not just physically, but emotionally as well.  Nothing is more important to me than being there for you.

I promise to keep an open mind when talking with you.  I know that you are not me and therefore I realize that you process and handle things differently then I do, and that’s alright.  I will keep talking with you until I understand you, completely.

I promise to guide you spiritually.  I promise to respect the path that you choose to walk with God.

I promise that when I make mistakes (and I will) I will always apologize and ask you for forgiveness.

I promise to celebrate you.  Every birthday, every first, every accomplishment, etc.  I will celebrate YOU.

I promise that you will always see love in my eyes.  When you walk into the room, you will see that you matter in my eyes. 

I promise to laugh with you and be silly with you.  I promise to show you that laughter is important in life.

I promise to hug you with intent.  I promise that you will feel my love in those hugs.

I promise to always want to know you.  I promise to talk to you about the different changes, paths and adventures you will find yourself on.  I promise to always be interested in your life.

I promise to always hug you and say, “I love you” when leaving each other.

I promise to let you be the person that you were born to be with none of my own expectations laid upon you. 

I promise never to speak badly of you to anyone for I know that your struggles are part of your life’s lesson and I respect that.

I promise to listen to you when you speak.  I promise to stay quiet inside and not listen while waiting to speak myself.  I will truly listen to what you are saying.

I promise to respect your decisions, even if I don’t agree with them.  I know that we are different souls having different human experiences.  I promise to always remember that my path isn’t your path.

I promise that should everyone else walk away, I never will.  I will never turn my back on you.  Ever.  I promise to always welcome you home with open arms.    

I promise to care for you when you are sick.

I promise that should you fall, I will be there to help you back up.  When you are weak, I will be your strength.

I promise to love you with no strings and with no conditions. 

You, my children, are my heart and my soul.  I carried you physically inside of me and fell in love with you before I ever held you.  And I promise to carry you in my heart with a love that knows no ending – only a beginning and a forever.

My beautiful children, my miracles…for you…I will always…

Choose Love

My Mom...

Children and mothers never truly part - bound in the beating of each other's heart. - Charlotte Gray

 This is my mom.  Isn’t she pretty?

(She would poo poo that compliment.)  .

When I was little, my friends used to call her a queen.  They all thought she was so beautiful.  And she still is.  Even more so now than ever.

 My boys adore her.  You can see it in their eyes, the way they watch her.  Seeing her with them is a gift that I thank God for every chance I get.  My sons love their grammy.  Just hanging out with her is fun for them. 

  

And she’s silly.  With my boys, that’s a good thing.

She was the first person I ever truly loved, my mom.  My first role model, my first love, my first best friend and my first hero.  Her opinion (even if I didn’t agree with it) was always so important to me.  And it still is.  I've always wanted her to be proud of the woman that I am, that I strive to be.

Seeing her happy, seeing her smile was always my mission in life.  I love to hear her laugh.  She has a great laugh.  

I remember throwing her a surprise party on her 40^th birthday.  On her 50th we filled her lawn with ornaments.  Oh how I wanted her to feel special, feel loved and know that I adored her.  She hasn’t had the easiest life.  Being a single mom was hard, and I saw that.  I wanted her to feel appreciated.  I think she did.  And I pray she still does.

Now, as I approach 40 myself, I look at my journey as compared to the journey my mom took through motherhood.  I am grateful for her love.  I look back and thank her for loving me, when I was unlovable.  I thank her for being at my dance recitals and working backstage to make sure I had someone supporting me.  I thank her for being at my side when I married my soul mate and when my babies were born.  I thank her for her mistakes.  I thank her for her humanness.  I thank her for all she's done for me and all she has taught me.

I thank her for being, her.

Yep.  This is my mom.  I’ve loved her my entire life.  And I always will.

For my beautiful queen momma, I Choose Love.

My Rainbows...

You don't choose your family.  They are God's gift to you, as you are to them.  - Desmond Tutu

 These are my kids.

They've always been silly.

They make me stuff.

I have their names tattooed on my wrists.

 We like to travel and go on adventures together.

 From the the time they were itty bitty, they brought me joy.

And they continue to make me happier than I ever thought possible.

 My family fills my heart with more love than I sometimes feel my body can contain.

 For them, my family - my heart - my rainbows....

I will always, Choose Love.

Friends

Friend

noun

1. A person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.

2. A person who gives assistance; patron; supporter:

What do you consider a friend to be?  What is the role of a friend?  And how do we nourish the relationships we have with our friends?

Friends are the family we choose for ourselves.  We rely on them, laugh with them, love them and cry with them.

These are the people that lift us up when we’re down, celebrate with us and encourage us to be our best selves.  They don’t wish to hurt us and are there for us even when it isn’t easy to be.  They never let us feel forgotten and make an effort to be in our lives.  They let us know we’re special, and they never let us forget it.

The friendships we have often change.  The friendships that are the strongest will sustain those changes.  Others will not. 

As we grow, we sometimes separate.  We find new friends, renew friendships with old friends and grow closer to the friends already in our lives.  The garden of friendship blooms and sometimes dies.  And if we are lucky enough, along with the flowers that return next season, we will see new seedlings ready to be nourished and loved. 

What a gift, friendship. 

True friendship comes

when silence

between two people

is comfortable.  -Dave Tyson Gentry

I can sit with my best friend in total silence and leave feeling more connected to her then ever.  Sometimes, silence is a comfort.  It’s a knowing that your friendship is so strong, it doesn’t need words.

Friendship improves

happiness and abates misery,

by the doubling of our joy

and the dividing of our grief.  -Marcus Tullius Cicero

Thank God for friends in times of sadness.  They lift us up, hold us, cry with us and love us.  With friends, our burdens don’t feel quite so heavy.  And how wonderful to be able to share our joys and happiness with our friends as well!  To know that they are truly happy for us, celebrate us and are proud of us.  It truly does double our joy.

Friendship

often ends in love;

but love in friendship

-never.  -Charles Caleb Colton

Our friends love us, even when we are unlovable.  Friends never stop loving you.  Ever.

The secret to friendship

is being a good listener.  -Unknown

Friends listen when we talk.  They really listen.  They don’t listen while waiting to speak.  They are interested in what you have to say.

Friendship is

a single soul

living in two bodies.  -Aristotle

Sometimes, rarely, you meet a friend or two that you know you’ve walked with before.  These types of friends are soul friends.  There are no real words to describe the connection other then a “knowing.”

Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light.   -Helen Keller

People are often there in times of joy.  But friends are there when life is truly difficult.  To know that you aren’t walking alone, is a true gift.

True friends stab you in the front.   -Oscar Wilde

Our friends have a way of making us feel good about ourselves.  They compliment us and mean it.  You’ll never hear negative gossip about yourself because your friend is too busy telling everyone how wonderful you are!

Everyone hears what you say. Friends listen to what you say. Best friends listen to what you don't say.  -Unknown

Your true friends know when you are crying, inside.

The beauty of a true friend is that they look at you through the eyes of hope, not seeing the weeds, but the beautiful flowers that God is growing in the garden of our lives.

The most beautiful discovery true friends can make is that they can grow separately without growing apart.

The best kind of friend is the one you can sit on a porch swing with. Never say a word and then you walk away feeling it was the best conversation you have ever had.

A friend is someone you want to be around when you feel like being yourself.

The gift of true friendship is that it takes us by the hand and reminds us that we are not alone in this journey.  -Unknown

This speaks for itself.

The glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand, nor the

kindly smile nor the joy of companionship; it is the spiritual

inspiration that comes to one when he discovers that someone else

believes in him and is willing to trust him.  -Ralph Waldo Emerson

I feel this quote sums it up the best.  The people we choose to spend time with, the people that we call friend, will inspire us on a spiritual level.  We will feel moved, loved, trusted and have a peace in our heart that says, “I’ve found my friend.  I can exhale and know that I am not alone.”

Hug, appreciate and celebrate your friends.  They are earth angels.

Choose Love.

Beauty comes in surprising shapes...

"It's the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet."
-Maya Angelou

"HI!  How are you?" The woman smiled as she took the seat beside me. She had to lower herself slowly, squeezing her ample bottom into the seat, filling all available space.

Positioning herself comfortably, she plopped her enormous arm on our common armrest. Her immensity saturated the space around us, shrinking me and my seat into insignificance.

I cringed and reclined towards the window.

She leaned towards me and repeated her greeting in an upbeat, friendly voice. Her face towered above my head, forcing me to turn to look at her. "Hi," I replied with obvious loathing.

I turned away to stare out the cabin window, sulking silently about the long hours of discomfort I was going to experience with this monster beside me.

She nudged me with her meaty arm. "My name is Laura. I'm from Britain. How about you? Japan?"

"Malaysia," I barked.

"I'm so sorry! Will you accept my heartfelt apology? Come, shake my hand. If we're going to spend six hours side-by-side on this flight, we'd better be friends, don't you think?" A palm waved in front of my face. I shook the hand reluctantly, still silent.

Laura started a conversation with me, taking no notice of my unfriendly reactions.  She talked excitedly about herself and her trip to Hong Kong to see her friends.  She rattled off a list of things she was going to buy for her students in the boarding school where she was teaching. 

I gave her one-word answers to her questions about me. Unperturbed by my coldness, she nodded as she made appreciative comments to my answers. Her voice was warm and caring. She was considerate and obliging when we were served drinks and meals, making sure that I had room to maneuver in my seat. "I don't want to clobber you with my elephant size!" she said with utmost sincerity.

To my surprise, her face which repulsed me hours before, now opened into extraordinary smiles, lively and calm at the same time. I couldn't help but let down my guard slowly.

Laura was an interesting conversationalist. She was well read in many subjects from philosophy to science. She turned a seemingly unimportant subject into something to explore and understand. Her comments were humorous and inspirational. When our topic turned to cultures, I was pleasantly surprised by her intelligent comments and well-thought-out analysis.

During our conversation, Laura managed to make every cabin crew who served us walk away laughing at her jokes.

When a flight attendant was clearing our plates, Laura cracked several jokes about her size. The flight attendant roared with laughter as she grabbed Laura's hand, "You really make my day!"

For the next few minutes, Laura listened attentively and gave pointers to the flight attendant's weight problem. The grateful attendant said before she rushed off, "I've got to work. I'll come back later and talk to you about it."

I asked Laura, "'Have you ever thought about losing some weight?"

"No. I've worked hard to get this way. Why would I want to give it up?"

"You aren't worried about cardiovascular diseases that come with being overweight?"

"Not at all. You only get the diseases if you're worried about your weight all the time. You see advertisements from slimming centers that say, 'Liberate yourself from your extra baggage so that you are free to be yourself.' It's rubbish! You're liberated only if you're comfortable about who you are, and what you look like any time of the day and anytime of the year! Why would I want to waste my time on slimming regimes when I have so many other important things to do and so many people to be friends with? I eat healthily and walk regularly; I'm this size because I am born to be big! There is more to life than worrying about weight all day long."

She sipped at her wine. "Besides, God gives me so much happiness that I need a bigger body to hold all of it! Why would I lose weight to lose my happiness?" Taken aback by her reasoning, I chuckled.

Laura continued. "Folks often see me as a fat lady with big bosoms, big thighs and a big bottom that no man would even bother to cast a glance at. They see me as a slob. They think I'm lazy and have no willpower. They're wrong." She held up her glass to a passing flight attendant. "More of this magnificent wine, please." She smiled sweetly at the attendant. "Great service from your crew. May God bless all of you."

She turned to me, "I'm actually a slim person inside. I'm so full of energy that people won't be able to keep up with me. This extra flesh is here to slow me down, otherwise I'll be running everywhere chasing after men!"

"Do men chase after you?" I asked jokingly.

"Of course they do. I'm happily married but men still keep proposing to me

"Most of them have relationship problems and they need someone to confide in. For some reason, they like to talk to me. I think I should have been a counselor instead of a school teacher!"

Laura paused before she said thoughtfully, "You know, the relationship between men and women is so complicated. Women worship men and call them, 'Honey' until they find out they have been lied to, and then they turn into bitter gourds! Men love women so much that they see them as their soul mates until they look at their credit card bills, and then women become devils with tridents!"

Laura's enthralling conversation had turned the flight into something thoroughly enjoyable. I was also fascinated by the way people were drawn to her. By the end of the flight, almost half the cabin crew was standing near the aisle by us, laughing and joking with Laura. The passengers around us joined in the merry-making too. Laura was the center of attention, filling the cabin with delightful warmth.

When we waved goodbye to each other at the arrival lounge at Hong Kong's Kai Tak Airport, I watched her walking towards a big group of adoring adults and kids. Cheers sounded as the group hugged and kissed Laura. She turned around and winked at me.

I was stunned, as the realization set in: Laura was the most beautiful woman I had ever met in my life.

By Chong Sheau Ching

Choose love.