How to love your child...

Affirming words from moms and dads are like light switches.  Speak a word of affirmation at the right moment in a child's life and it's like lighting up a whole roomful of possibilities. - Gary Smalley

Be there.  Speak kindly.  Tell them they’re wonderful.  Mean it.  Encourage silliness.  Make sure they know they are special.  Build forts with sheets and blankets.  Have a staring contest.  Go on adventures together.  Mail letters to God.  Build a time capsule.  Read books out loud with silly voices.  Better yet, act out the books.  Chase each other.  Have tickle fights.  Make “magic potions.”  Go to the movies in your pajamas.  Heal your own inner child.  Surprise them.  Have pillow fights.  Hug often.  Express your love, a lot.  Bake a cake and eat it with no hands.  Let them style your hair.  Invent games together.  Hug trees together.  Ask them about their dreams.  Share yours.  Teach feelings.  Tell jokes.  Say yes as often as possible.  Have a picnic, inside.  Make loving safe.  Keep the gleam in your eye.  Encourage individuality.  Give back together.  Have a cuddle and watch movies in bed day.  Throw popcorn at each other.  Let them see you be silly.  Learn together.  Catch fireflies.  Giggle a lot.  Leave them notes under their pillow.  Show them you care.  Frame their “art.”  Tell them you love them even if you don’t like them in the moment.  Stop yelling.  Open up.

And always make they see your eyes light up when they enter the room.

Choose love.

You Are Too Sensitive!

The great gift of human beings is that we have the power of empathy. – Meryl Streep

Empathy is the most radical of human emotions. – Gloria Steinem

We live in a culture that discourages empathy. A culture that too often tells us our principle goal in life is to be rich, thin, young, famous, safe, and entertained. - Barack Obama

“You are too sensitive!”

Oy.  I’ve heard this my entire life.  And frankly, it gets old.  As if being sensitive is a bad thing?  But when people spout it off with their nose wrinkled and their lips sneered, you learn that many people would rather pretend emotions (other than happiness and joy) don’t exist. 

As a child, people would often ask me what was wrong even when nothing was.  I’ve always had the face of a sensitive soul and was never good at masking emotions.  My face wore my feelings before I felt them.  If someone else in the room felt sad or upset, I would also feel it.  Likewise when they felt happy or joy, I would feel that as well.  It was overwhelming at times and yet it was always a part of me.  An empath – a sensitive soul.  We really are born that way.

Still, it isn’t easy growing up being sensitive.  You feel a deeper sense of joy, but you also feel a deeper sense of pain.  And being an empath, you feel it for others as well.  Sometimes it is truly overwhelming.  You’ve heard the expression, “When you hurt, I hurt.”  Well, when you are a sensitive, that is the truth from the depths of your soul.  You know peoples intent and are aware of their energy, positive or negative.  You know when people are lying to you.  That’s the worst.  The knowing. 

But there are good things about it too!  Connecting with people is as natural for you as breathing.  You love deeper and with more passion.  You forgive easier.  You feel compassion naturally and without trying.  You are able to feel when someone needs you and can sense when you are loved.  You feel closer to animals and plants – all living things.  You celebrate with heart filled joy.  And this is all organic!  How is this a bad thing?  Why would anyone, ever try to take that beautiful gift away or feel it’s a negative or bad trait in a person?

We’re told that it’s ok to be happy.  That is the emotion that is acceptable.  We aren’t allowed to be sad, hurt or even depressed.  But aren’t those organic emotions as well?  Sure, they aren’t fun emotions, but they are part of us.  And if we can’t feel the not so great emotions, how can we feel the wonderful emotions fully?

I am well aware of the people that can put in a happy face even when they aren’t feeling happy and I respect that.  But I have to wonder, what if they actually allowed themselves to feel angry, sad, down?  What if they shared their grief?  Would they be told to suck it up as we empaths usually are?  Would they be told to get a thicker skin?  Would they be told to look at the positive?  Or would their emotions be embraced as a natural part of being a spiritual soul in a human body?  Why are people so afraid of emotions that aren’t happy?  What are they hiding? 

I feel that they’re hiding their authentic selves.  They are afraid of being judged.  They’ve been taught that unless you are happy, suck it up.  Get over it, move on and bury those emotions!  Nobody wants to be around a cry baby, right?  Or do they and they’re just so broken, they’ve forgotten HOW to be around them? 

I am raising sensitive souls.  One, an empath.  And I will celebrate and nourish that gift in them and will encourage them to explore it and let it guide them in their lives.  One of my sons has been able to feel what others around him were feeling since he was an infant.  He could (and can still) feel other peoples pain.  My other son refuses to fight back, ever.  He feels love on a deeper level then most.  He feels peoples' intent.  He knows when people love him, and he knows when people don't like him.  He loves very deeply and is often broken hearted because of it.  But he also forgives easier because he knows the feeling behind the action.  It's a difficult balance to embrace.  But they do.  They know these things make them part of a whole beautiful spiritual human being.  I refuse to let anyone try to squash that in them.  

Oh if only people would see the beauty in a sensitive soul!  If only they would celebrate the gifts of an empath!

There is love in the acceptance of things you might be scared of.  There is love in embracing people who may feel more deeply than you do.  There is love in celebrating the sensitive soul, the empath.

Next time you exclaim, “Oh he/she is too sensitive!”  with a sneer on your face and your nose wrinkled, remember… It’s that same sensitive soul that is able to love deeper, forgive quicker, show compassion from their heart and connect without trying.  It's the empath that is loyal naturally because they can feel your intent and know when you're hurting and organically want to protect you.

Choose love.

For Rhonda

Love is shown in your deeds, not in your words.  - Jerome Cummings

How often do you say, “I love you?”  How often do you show it?

As I attended the funeral of my childhood best friend, I fought the urge to scream.  Where were the people that said how sorry they were that she passed on her page?  Where were the people that she went to school with?  Where were there people that “friended” her on Facebook?  I found myself sad and angry and going back and forth between crying and wanting to shout at the injustice my friend was show, in life and in death.

14 people emailed to ask me why she died.  Not one attended her wake or her funeral.  Now, I understand that people have lives to live and need to work.  However, when a person dies, ceases to exist, can we not take a half hour away from our lives to support their family?  Yes, funerals are hard.  They are heart wrenching and difficult.  Nobody wants to see their friend or loved one dead.  Nobody wants to watch their friends and family devastated, lost, crying and confused, questions unanswered.  It's devastating to see a life lost too soon and so tragically.  Funerals bring up all sorts of emotions that we would rather not think about or deal with.  But isn’t it part of humanity to be there for each other?  Heck, stand in the back, offer a hug, a word of love, anything.  Give a half hour of your time.  It breaks my heart that we are so disconnected from each other.

I reached out to my friend a few times over the years.  Maybe I should have reached harder, and that is my cross to bear.  How do we strike the balance between never giving up on someone and knowing when to walk away?  How do we strike the balance between truly wanting to be there for someone and realizing that we are pushing too hard?

As I held her shaking and sobbing boyfriend, I wondered if I had done all I could.  As her mom grabbed me, held me and cried that we were sisters, I realized I had not.  I should have just shown up.  I should have just been there.  I should have just gone to her house and knocked on the door.  Again, that is my cross to bear.   

I’ve learned that the very least we can do, is let people know we are there.  And let them know often.  Better yet, we can actually be there.  We can show that we care.  Sure, that can be uncomfortable for us and even difficult.  But aren't the rewards worth it?  As humans living on this planet together, don't we owe that to one another?  Can't we step outside our comfort zone and show another person that we care?

For some of us, feeling love for other people is easy.  It is for me.  I love very easily.  And because of that, I am often accused of overusing those three precious words.  However, when I say, “I love you” I mean it because I feel it.  It’s there in my heart wanting to be put out into the world and heaped on those that need it.  It is never used aimlessly or without thought and feeling.

Those people for whom it is hard, let me say this.  What if you putting aside your discomfort could actually save a life?  What if letting yourself say those three precious words could make the different between happiness and despair for someone?  What if telling your family member or friend that you love them, changed their life? 

Better yet, what if you actually showed it?  What if you just showed up without being asked?  What if you shouted to the world proudly that you love your family member or friend?  What if you sent that card or wrote that personal letter or made an effort to BE there?  What if you just did it?  What do you have to lose? 

What do you have to gain?

Choose love.  Show love.  Be love.

For Rhonda, my sweet sister of childhood.  Your gorgeous eyes told stories of my childhood.  The laughter, clubs, fence walking, tree climbing, birthdays, barbies, pickle playing, bike riding adventures and fun of my childhood.  I carry those memories with me forever.  May your beautiful soul rest in peace.

For you, my friend, I choose love.  <3        

Every Day is a New Beginning

"Every day is a new beginning. Treat it that way. Stay away from what might have been, and look at what can be."  - Marsha Petrie Sue

I feel like today is truly a new day.  I feel like everything that has happened this past year or so, has happened to lead my family to exactly where we are today.  I feel like angels have whispered our path to the universe and cleared the way for us to be happy, peaceful and content.

Life changes every single day.  We can either go with the flow, or stay stagnant exactly where we are.  I love the twists and turns, the unknown, the newness of it all.  We’ve come so far as a family in growing and learning.  Both with each other and separately.  Somewhere along the way, we become stronger in ourselves and in our relationships with each other.  Each day brings new challenges, new decisions, and new opportunities.  I welcome these amazing lessons.

I feel so strong where I am now.  I feel confident in knowing who I am as well as knowing that I can (as long as I stay open hearted) change and grow.  It’s exciting for me to look back at the lessons, obstacles and hardships and know that I’ve made it through them.  Still with compassion and love in my heart and fully able to forgive and move forward.  I look at what surrounds me.  There is so much love from my family and my close friends.  I am comforted in knowing that my family can grow and change and these people will support us and love us along the way. 

I look at my children and I see two compassionate, kind, well adjusted nine-year-old boys.  They are happy, healthy and strong with whom they are as little people.  At the core of these sweet souls is truly compassion.  They love their family, each other and their friends whole heartedly.  They understand not to hurt with their words or hands.  They know that choosing love over ego is always the best path for any person.  They understand that things change and that we can learn and grow from these changes.  They are excited and have a passion for life and people.  I love that I get to go through life every day with these amazing souls!

Today was a new beginning for our family.  Every day can be a new beginning for every person.  You can learn something new, start a new life plan, change your path, start over…all can be new beginnings.

Remember, start all new beginnings by first Choosing Love.    

Let me tell you about my Best Friend...

"Best friends are the siblings God forgot to give us." – Unknown

(I wrote this while sitting on the beach during vacation with my family, my best friend and her family.)

Let me tell you about my best friend…

She is beautiful.  I know it’s a word that is overused, beautiful.  But really, it fits her perfectly.  To look at her, you’d see a classy, tall, thin gorgeous woman with glowing skin and a sweet, welcoming smile.  She dresses like you’d expect Jackie O to dress (or any Kennedy wife for that matter.)  Her style is classic, her jewelry simple and her hair sleek and golden. 

But that is only scratching the surface of who she is.

The kindness she exudes so naturally from her heart shines out her eyes.  That’s the sparkle you see when you look at her.  She always thinks of others and makes the people around her feel special – thought of – like they matter.  She greets you and leaves you with a hug, a hug that is from her heart.  A hug that promises she will see you again and in the meantime, she will carry you with her.

Her love comes with no boundaries, no limitations, no conditions and no judgments.  When you are loved by my best friend, you are loved completely. 

When she says you are family, she means it.  You are invited to family dinners, celebrations, birthdays, holidays and most importantly - into her heart.  She shares her family with you with no reservations or boundaries.  You are welcomed with open arms and made to feel just like you have always been a part of the family.  

She accepts me, flaws and all.  She thinks I’m beautiful, and tells me so with truth in her eyes.  I feel beautiful when I’m around her.  When everyone else sees a hot, glittery mess, I know that she sees me.  I feel accepted and loved.  I don’t feel expectations or limitations from her and have never, not once felt judged by her.  She is completely loyal.  She knows my heart and believes and respects my words.  She stands up for me, won't let anyone hurt me and sees the best in me.  She helps me to see the best in myself.  She makes time for me, cries with me, cares about me and has never left my side.  Through over 20 hours of labor, she never left my side.  Through all the drama and craziness that is sometimes my life, she never left my side.  When all others (and I do mean ALL others) have walked away, stopped talking to me, played games, changed and left, etc., she has never walked away  She has seen me truly, at my worst.  She was and is always there with arms and heart wide open – loving and accepting me, as I am.  And I know that she forever will be.

She is amazing with my children, her godchildren.  She makes them feel special.  They know they are safe with her.  They know they are safe in a way that is protective of their feelings and their future.  They know she will always be there, protecting and loving them.  Her love for them is so apparent in her efforts to spend time with them, love them.  I see them cuddling with her and my heart soars.  She looks at them with such love in her eyes and it fills my soul to see my children so loved by her.  The loves she shares with her godchildren is simple, loyal and true.  She will never let them be hurt.  She will protect them with her life and she will always make sure they know they matter. 

She has my heart and my forever friendship.  A sisterhood that only the angels could bring together and no person can ever tear apart. 

She is special, she is forever, she is loyal and she is fun.

She is kind, she is silly, she is real and she is truth.

Her name is Leigh.  She’s my very best friend.  And today is her birthday.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LEIGH!

Thank you for always Choosing Love.

Stop the Labels!

“Labels are devices for saving talkative persons the trouble of thinking”  - John Morley

Stop stamping a label on your forehead.  And for crying out loud, stop letting others do it for you!

We spend so much of our time trying to fit in, not making noise, flying under the radar.  We twist and change ourselves for others, for society.  We place ourselves in boxes with labels provided by outside sources.  We make sure we don’t offend or make anyone else uncomfortable with how we look, what we believe, what we say and how we say it.  All for the sake of falling under the perfect label.

Why do we do this?

Is it the disease to please?  Do we desire to be invisible?  Do we base our self worth on how others perceive us?  Are we addicted to other people liking us? 

I’m sure there will always be some of that.  I mean, don’t we all want to feel like we belong when we’re around our family and friends, to some extent?  How can we make that happen and still remain true to who we are?

Society places labels on us from birth and that continues throughout our lives.  Tall, short, fat, thin, gay, straight, married, single, christian, atheist, children, childfree, employed, homemaker, etc. 

What about the labels that our family and friends place on us?  We are often labeled in our families:  Older, younger, wild, complacent, free spirit, professional, quiet, loud, etc.

And in our friend circles don’t we base who we spend time with on labels?  Our politics, religious beliefs, how cerebral or educated we are, how we parent and/or school our children.  These are all labels we use to determine how much we have in common and therefore dictate how worthy another person is of our time.

Are we letting these labels define us?  As if these are labels are ALL that we are.  Why do we let these labels decide who we spend time with?  Who we fall in love with?  Who we find worthy of our positive attention?

Isn’t it boring spending time with people who think, believe, react and feel so similarly to yourself?  Why aren’t we embracing each others differences instead of placing a stamp on people and using it to keep people at s distance?  What are we so afraid of?  What are we, ourselves, hiding?

Here is what I propose.  Stop labeling yourself first.  Just don’t do it.  You are uniquely YOU.  There is no other you in this world.  How wonderful is that?  Every thought, feeling, belief, reaction is your own.  Celebrate that!  Embrace it. 

Stop labeling others.  What if we had no idea what religion, political affiliation, marital or sexual orientation our friends were?  What if we went by how much love and compassion they had in their hearts and showed to us and the world?  What if we look to how they treated people instead of what label they wore?  What if there were no labels, just love?  Oh how our world would open up and how rich our lives would be!

Imagine, if we would all – Choose Love.