For Rhonda

Love is shown in your deeds, not in your words.  - Jerome Cummings

How often do you say, “I love you?”  How often do you show it?

As I attended the funeral of my childhood best friend, I fought the urge to scream.  Where were the people that said how sorry they were that she passed on her page?  Where were the people that she went to school with?  Where were there people that “friended” her on Facebook?  I found myself sad and angry and going back and forth between crying and wanting to shout at the injustice my friend was show, in life and in death.

14 people emailed to ask me why she died.  Not one attended her wake or her funeral.  Now, I understand that people have lives to live and need to work.  However, when a person dies, ceases to exist, can we not take a half hour away from our lives to support their family?  Yes, funerals are hard.  They are heart wrenching and difficult.  Nobody wants to see their friend or loved one dead.  Nobody wants to watch their friends and family devastated, lost, crying and confused, questions unanswered.  It's devastating to see a life lost too soon and so tragically.  Funerals bring up all sorts of emotions that we would rather not think about or deal with.  But isn’t it part of humanity to be there for each other?  Heck, stand in the back, offer a hug, a word of love, anything.  Give a half hour of your time.  It breaks my heart that we are so disconnected from each other.

I reached out to my friend a few times over the years.  Maybe I should have reached harder, and that is my cross to bear.  How do we strike the balance between never giving up on someone and knowing when to walk away?  How do we strike the balance between truly wanting to be there for someone and realizing that we are pushing too hard?

As I held her shaking and sobbing boyfriend, I wondered if I had done all I could.  As her mom grabbed me, held me and cried that we were sisters, I realized I had not.  I should have just shown up.  I should have just been there.  I should have just gone to her house and knocked on the door.  Again, that is my cross to bear.   

I’ve learned that the very least we can do, is let people know we are there.  And let them know often.  Better yet, we can actually be there.  We can show that we care.  Sure, that can be uncomfortable for us and even difficult.  But aren't the rewards worth it?  As humans living on this planet together, don't we owe that to one another?  Can't we step outside our comfort zone and show another person that we care?

For some of us, feeling love for other people is easy.  It is for me.  I love very easily.  And because of that, I am often accused of overusing those three precious words.  However, when I say, “I love you” I mean it because I feel it.  It’s there in my heart wanting to be put out into the world and heaped on those that need it.  It is never used aimlessly or without thought and feeling.

Those people for whom it is hard, let me say this.  What if you putting aside your discomfort could actually save a life?  What if letting yourself say those three precious words could make the different between happiness and despair for someone?  What if telling your family member or friend that you love them, changed their life? 

Better yet, what if you actually showed it?  What if you just showed up without being asked?  What if you shouted to the world proudly that you love your family member or friend?  What if you sent that card or wrote that personal letter or made an effort to BE there?  What if you just did it?  What do you have to lose? 

What do you have to gain?

Choose love.  Show love.  Be love.

For Rhonda, my sweet sister of childhood.  Your gorgeous eyes told stories of my childhood.  The laughter, clubs, fence walking, tree climbing, birthdays, barbies, pickle playing, bike riding adventures and fun of my childhood.  I carry those memories with me forever.  May your beautiful soul rest in peace.

For you, my friend, I choose love.  <3