You Are Enough...

"What I am is good enough if I would only be it openly."   Carl Rogers

Am I enough?  It’s a question I often ask myself.  Am I doing enough?  Funny enough?  Pretty enough?  There enough?  When did it happen that I felt I wasn’t enough?  With whom don’t I feel that I am enough?  And why do I let it matter so much to me?

I look back and hear conversations with various friends and family members and find patterns. 

Why did I internalize their criticisms and parlay that into me feeling that I am not enough for them? 

Not a pretty enough, smart enough, successful enough daughter.  Not a loyal enough, loving enough, happy enough friend.  Not a there enough, serious enough, unemotional enough sister. 

Why did I take their criticisms and demands and let it empty me and then fill me back up with questions of not being enough?

“You are too emotional.”  “You aren’t here for me enough.”  “You are too needy.”  “You don’t need me enough.”  “You don’t think.”  “You aren’t loyal enough.”  “You should lose weight.”  “You don’t give enough.”  “You don’t call enough.”

Why did I take their actions and make it about how I am not enough?

*People who walk away and stop talking to me or who change and become somebody completely different.

    

 *People who want me to understand these changes but refuse to accept and love the changes in me.   

*People who walk out of my life but are astounded when I don’t beg them to stay.   

*People who blatantly ignore me but are shocked when I finally give up and move on.   

*People who have no time for me or cancel plans often and are constantly searching for more or better friends.   

*People who want me to stand up for them but don’t stand up for me.  

*People who expect being there, love, compassion, forgiveness and loyalty from me but aren’t will to give it back in return.      

Making sure my children know that they are enough, is a goal of mine.  I never want them to feel as though they aren’t enough.  I never want them to feel that I am searching for more than who they are.  I want them to know that they are loved and celebrated as they are, with no expectations.  I want them to feel that they are worthy of my time, my show of emotions and my love.  I want them to see and feel their value.  They are enough. 

But I can’t simply make sure that they know this, feel this.  I need to know and feel this as well so that I can model what it is to be enough for them.

How do I do this?  Well, I’ve already made changes.  I look to God.  God loves me as I am.  God expects nothing more or less than my love.  And that includes loving myself – which I do. 

I look to my immediate family for love and compassion and the knowing that I am enough.  My husband and children provide me with this daily.  I don’t need to look outside my own home for this amazing gift.  Their love is given freely, without strings or expectations.  There are no criticisms or demands to change who I am.  They love that I am mushy, compassionate, emotional and silly. And when I start to look outside and feel that I need to be enough for everyone else, I remember, here at home, I am already enough.  I need not look anywhere else.

I look to the people in my life that do appreciate and openly celebrate who I am and our relationships.  The people that give back emotionally and make an effort.  The people that lift me up, instead up putting me down or casting me aside. 

I look to myself.  Am I sending myself negative messages?  Am I asking myself questions that have the potential to lead me into believing that I am not enough?  I am careful to answer no to those questions. 

Am I surrounding myself with people that love, appreciate and support me as I am?  Am I looking inside and knowing that I am a wonderful wife, mother, daughter, sister and friend?  Do I know that I am worthy of other peoples’ effort, time, loyalty and love?  I answer yes to these questions.

We can all make changes no matter how long we’ve felt not good or worthy enough, for whatever reason.  Look to yourself.   

*Know that you are enough, as you are, without giving anything to anyone else or having to change who you are for anyone else. 

*Know that giving, loving and being there for others is a wonderful thing.  But it is not needed for you to feel that you are enough. 

*Know that you are perfect as you are and do not need validation from anyone to feel that you are enough.   

*Know that for every positive thought you have about yourself, one negative thought you had, will be erased. 

   

*Resist letting negativity in.  

*Resist letting others diminish your light or take away your value. 

When you do these things, you are able to be enough, openly.   Then, you can choose love. 

For yourself.