I've Learned

"We can't learn anything new until we can admit that we don't already know everything."  - Erwin G. Hall

As we walk along our path in this life, assuming we walk with an open heart and open mind, we learn a few things along the way.  Some of these things are easily learned and stay with us.  Other things are easily forgotten and repeat themselves in our lives until we remember and have learned them. 

Some of the things I have learned along the way:

-We all change.  Some people change in subtle ways, some in not so subtle ways.  As we change, we evolve.  Sometimes we evolve for the better, other times not so much.  Regardless of change, the people that are meant to be in your life will find a way to stay there even as they are growing and changing.  They will find a way to make you a part of their lives, even when it isn't easy.  And if they don't, it is ok to move on.  It is ok for you to move on and not feel guilt in doing so.  It is ok to have a happy life, make plans, laugh, enjoy spending time with other family and friends. 

-Letting go is ok.  One sided relationships (be it with a lover, family or friends) do not work.  Sometimes you have to let a person go in order for them to find their own way back to you, if it was meant to be.  And letting go doesn’t mean you’ve stopped caring, it means you care enough about yourself to stop being hurt.  Let go, with love.  Love always returns.

-I've learned that there are people who love you dearly, but just don't know how to show it.  People may not always show love and affection the same way we do.  Hugs, kisses and outwardly showing emotion isn’t easy for some people.  But that doesn’t mean they don’t love with their whole hearts. 

-When you think you have no more to give, if a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.  Even when we think we are completely drained, somehow, when a family member or friend is in need and reaches out, we reach back. 

-Plans change and it's ok.  What you think you want today, you may not want tomorrow.  Be it career, hobbies, relationships, etc.  But that is the fun part of life.  You can change your mind and pursue something new at any time.   You can read and learn and grow.  When you go with the flow, you never know what beautiful adventure you may end up on that might even be better than the original plan.

-When you’re angry you have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give you the right to be cruel.  Let yourself feel angry, process that emotion and move forward.  Never stay stuck in anger.  In the end, it only burns you.

- No matter how bad your heart is broken, the world doesn't stop for your grief.  This has been one of the hardest lessons for me to personally learn.  And I still don’t understand it.  There is a distinct disconnect between people that I find so sad.  Why don’t we hurt when others hurt?  Why don’t we make an effort to help people through their pain?  Why do we give up and move on when we see people stuck in their grief?  The truth is, life goes on.  And you have a decision to make.  Will life go on with, or without you?

- Where we come from may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.  Our past does not negate our future.  If we are hurt in our past, we can either hold on to that past pain, or let it go.  We can either choose to continue to hurt others and cause the same pain that was inflicted upon us.  Or we can choose to show compassion and love because we know what it’s like to hurt.

-It is ok to say no.  That is the hardest lesson of all for most people.  I am blessed that I have people in my life that have taught me through their own actions, that it's ok to put myself first.  It’s ok to say no, nourish my own soul.  Putting yourself first, means you love yourself enough to be gentle with yourself and therefore be healthy enough to give to others. 

-You cannot make someone love you.  All you can do is open your heart and be ready to receive love, should it come your way.  And it will.  It may not from the person or source that you were hoping for, but you will be loved.  You are loved now.

-Forgive those who have hurt you by words or by actions.  Let it go.  Remember that when someone hurts you, it’s about them, not about you.  Ask forgiveness from those that you have hurt.  If they can't forgive you, then they now carry the burden that you have set free.  Forgive yourself for words or actions that you may have used to hurt someone else.  Whether it was intentional or not.  Listen to their feelings, own your part in their hurt, ask for forgiveness and find out how you can help them heal.  Then, let it go.

-Never compare yourself to the best others can do.  Hold that comparison for the best you can do.  There will always be someone faster, smarter, better at something than you are.  And that’s alright.  If you’ve done your best, be proud.  Hold your head high and know that you’ve accomplished your personal best.  How amazing!

-When you are faced with a choice of how to respond, always respond with love.  That doesn't mean you let someone walk all over you or hurt you or try to make you feel badly about yourself.  And you can be firm, stern and strong and still respond with love.  Let love be the center, the core of who you are.  This doesn't mean you are weak, or easily duped.  It means you are at peace with who you are and with everything and everyone around you.  When there is love in your heart, there is light in the world.

Choose love