A mothers fierce love...

Making the decision to have a child is momentous.  It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.  ~Elizabeth Stone

Remember.

As I sit here going through all of my sons’ old medical records (evaluations, MRI’s, CAT scans, GI studies, etc.) the feelings come rushing back.  I remember the worry, the fear, the unknown path I was walking and how alone I felt.  Will my child grow up and be happy?  Will people make fun of him?  Will he be loved by others?  Will he be safe? 

When you have brought up kids, there are memories you store directly in your tear ducts.  ~Robert Brault

A new, familiar path.

We are getting ready to head down a new path.  My son, who has come leaps and bounds, is getting ready for another myriad of tests, studies and diagnoses’ and treatments.  We’ve had two years reprieve.  Two years where we just lived.  We purposefully forgot about his issues, his diagnosis’s.  We forgot about the years of therapies he attended multiple times a week.  We forgot about the tests, the doctors, the meetings.  We lived.

There are two lasting bequests we can give our children.  One is roots.  The other is wings.  ~Hodding Carter, Jr.

Collide.

And now there is no more forgetting.  We need to face whatever it is that needs to be dealt with.  Our safe world is now colliding with the unknown.

Kids spell love T-I-M-E.  ~John Crudele

The unknown.

It’s a scary place, the unknown.  Yes, the tests, the doctors, the paperwork, the monetary issues are all scary.  But it’s the unknown that is the most frightening.  My son knows something is different about him.  And much like the doctors, he can’t quite figure out what it is.

Kids: they dance before they learn there is anything that isn't music.  ~William Stafford

Balance.

Advocating for a child with special needs while making sure his twin brother is still fulfilled and given the same amount of attention and love is a tricky balance.  They are blessed to have each other.  It is hard to explain to a child why his brother receives so much special attention.  But he understands.  He always has.  Maybe it’s the twin connection.  Or maybe, he was born with a compassion that is just so very rare. 

Sometimes being a brother is even better than being a superhero.  ~Marc Brown

Fierce love.

He is so very loved.  As is his twin brother.  And there is safety in that.  From the beginning I’ve had to fight for my babies.  To conceive them, to carry them to term, to birth them and then to get my child diagnosed and treated.  I fought with the most love I have ever felt in my life.  This love is fierce and nothing can ever make this love stop or lessen.  It’s a love that is unexplainable and unstoppable.  It’s a love the makes me smile when there is no reason to.  It’s a love that allows me to fight when my body and spirit feel their weakest.

While we try to teach our children all about life,

Our children teach us what life is all about.

~Angela Schwindt

The future.

We don’t control the future.  We control how we react to what comes our way.  What I know for sure is this – my children are my rainbows and there is NOTHING that I won’t do to make sure they know they are loved, safe and worthy. 

A mother's love for her child is like nothing else in the world. It knows no law, no pity; it dares all things and crushes down remorselessly all that stands in its path. ~Agatha Christie

Onward my sweet Noah Beanie.  You are strong, you are smart, you are compassionate and you are important.

We will get through this.  Because we have each other.

Choose Love.